There are moments when I notice I’m learning something, where I know that something significant has been revealed to me. For teachers these are the “teachable” moments we’re always looking for with our students, that sweet spot between not knowing something and knowing it. For our students, the moment is “learnable” and little kids don’t always know when it’s happening. We want them to; it’s called meta-cognition -thinking about ones own thinking- but it’s a learned skill that even adults use infrequently. I remember a few of these meta moments from my young adult life quite vividly…
In college my whole crew went to the Homecoming semiformal every year and took an awesome group photo. When it came time to order prints, one of my besties called with a plan…she and I would split a package to save money. The problem with the plan was I had already chosen a package which included an 8×10 which the package she wanted did not. I declined her offer and she tried in vain to force me to go along with her plan, eventually snapping, “Why can’t you just go along with this?!?!”
What I learned in that moment -and she did not- was the fact that to her, the only right way was hers. She didn’t see that her plan didn’t involve any compromise on her part, only mine, that she got what she wanted and I didn’t, that it wouldn’t hurt her to find someone else to do this with and leave me alone. I decided 2 things that day: that I would try NOT to force my wants on others and I would notice when I was seeing something-learning something- for the first time. Have I kept that promise to myself? Well…
A few years later I was living with a gaggle of roommates in a rambling old house. It was “bee season,” those few weeks at the end of summer when bees are everywhere and we had been fighting them for days, narrowly missing stings any time we opened the door. We had just moved in and were getting the place together, when my roommate -another bestie- and I noticed a bee on the window. She looked at me. I looked at her. She took her shoe off. We looked at each other again and hesitated, knowing something was wrong with our plan…then she smashed the bee. And the window of course. In that moment -aside from gaining one of my favorite stories- I vowed I’d learned my lesson about ignoring my gut feelings. I had heard and said the words before, but I learned the lesson that day.
The next year I was debating getting a car wash with that same roommate. I told her I was on the fence because there was a chance of rain, and the past 3 times I lay down my hard-earned, (pitiful, five job holding, graduate student) five bucks for a wash, the car was rained on the same day and I was frustrated. I really hate for my car to be dirty…anyway…She quickly retorted, “Well, I don’t think (emphasis hers) the rain cleans my car, so I’m going.” What I was saying -that rain falling on my newly washed car frustrated me because it made the car DIRTY- was interpreted to mean the exact opposite, and this was an actual, in person conversation, way before the ether of social networks and text messages. Behold, one of the most important meta moments of my life. People are not in your head, and might not always hear you clearly because what they hear is filtered through their heads, their lives, their experience…and in this case, their loose grip on their sanity. I learned that anytime I think I’m being clear, I should assume at least one person is hearing something totally different from what I mean.
For many teachers, what this means is -after every lesson- be ready to take a deep breath, assess for understanding and prepare to reteach. For me it means teaching my young students how to tell me they understand, to explain their thinking, to help them know they are thinking and to then think about that. And that’s no mean feat for someone who allowed a friend to slam a shoe into a pane of glass.